Dread Cthulhu, Overlord of Land and Sea


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DOES NOT APPROVE
i totally fhtagn
i_fhtagn
THE INTERNET IS TRULY AN ABSORBING PLACE. I HAVE BEEN BUSY HOWEVER BECAUSE I MANAGED TO TORRENT ALL OF THE SIMS 2 EXPANSION PACKS AND WAS PLAYING WITH A FAMILY TRYING TO DRIVE THEM MAD BUT THEY WOULD NOT GO MAD! AND THEN MY COMPUTER GOT A VIRUS AND I ACCIDENTALLY PUT MY TENTACLE THROUGH THE SCREEN, OOPS. AND WOULD YOU BELIEVE DELL DOES NOT DELIVER? THE BITCHES. AFTER THE WEBCOMIC ARTISTS THEY SHALL SURELY PERISH IN A WAVE OF OOZING PUTREFACTED FLESH.

AAAH, THAT MAKES ME FEEL BETTER.

MY FAVORITE PART OF MY LIFE OR UNLIFE RIGHT NOW IS FANDOM!SECRETS WHICH AZATHOTH THE CREEPING CHAOS SHOWED ME THE OTHER DAY WHEN HE WAS DROPPING BY TO GLOAT ABOUT HIS NEW SOUL COLLECTION WHICH IS APPARENTLY DISCO THEMED. I AM JEALOUS BUT DON'T TELL HIM, I SAID I LIKED JAZZ BETTER. NOW HE WILL SEND ME AWFUL JAZZ ALBUMS FOR YULETIDE. I SHALL HAVE TO PRETEND TO LIKE THEM, TOO, BECAUSE OR ELSE HE WILL THROW A FISHYFIT AND THEN WHERE WILL I BE? NOWHERE GOOD, I WILL TELL YOU THAT.

BUT ANYWAY FANDOM!SECRETS. THEY ARE ALL SO SPECTACULARLY DRAMATIC. THE OPERAS ARE GETTING A LITTLE OLD NOW, THE FISH-MEN ARE REALLY QUITE UNCREATIVE AND KEEP PUTTING ON THE SAME PLAY ABOUT THEIR EVENTUAL SUBJUGATION OF THE EARTH. FOOLS! THEY SHALL BE BANISHED TO THE DARKEST CORNERS WHEN I RISE WITH THE ALIGNMENT OF THE STARS VICTORIOUS!!!!

BUT THE STARS STILL ARE NOT CORRECT. THIS DISPLEASES ME. MY HOROSCOPE SAYS THAT I WILL BE OVERLORD OF ALL CREATION BUT I THINK I MAY BE READING IT UPSIDE DOWN.

DOES ANYONE HAVE ANY BOOK RECOMMENDATIONS? THE NECRONOMICON IS NOT WHAT IT USED TO BE, I AM ALMOST FALLING ASLEEP WHEN THE MAD ARAB STARTS HIS MUMBLING ABOUT CONSTELLATIONS. I NEED SOMETHING PROPERLY ENTERTAINING. MAYBE SOME NORA ROBERTS? I HEAR THAT IS CLASSY STUFF.

ALSO IF MY FANS WOULD REMEMBER THAT I AM A DEITY AND ADDRESS ME PROPERLY IT WOULD PLEASE ME VERY MUCH, THANK YOU.

WEBCOMIC ARTISTS CONTINUE TO BECOME MORE INSOLENT. I WILL SEND THEM DREAMS THAT THEIR ANNIHILATION IS NEAR AND THEY WILL SURELY TREMBLE IN ABJECT TERROR! OR ELSE I WILL SEND DAGON TO PLAY POKEMON STADIUM WITH THEM, HE IS SUCH A SORE LOSER, MAN, AND IT IS NOT MY FAULT HE ALWAYS PICKS STARMIE, STARMIE IS THE WORST. I CANNOT PLAY N64 WITH DAGON ANYMORE, HE KEEPS THROWING MY CONTROLLERS OR ELSE GETTING THE BUTTONS ALL STICKY AND THAT IS NOT PERMISSIBLE, LAST TIME I HAD TO SPEND LIKE FOREVER GETTING THEM CLEAN AND UNSTICKY, AND THAT IS NOT MY JOB, DO YOU HEAR ME? THAT IS NOT MY JOB!

STUPID FISH-GOD CULTS. THEY ALL HAVE THE SAME LOUSY SENSE OF ENTITLEMENT. I AM OFF TO INDUCE MINDLESS MURDER IN ICELAND'S MENTAL HOSPITALS. GOOD NIGHT.

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Dread Lord Cthulhu, something has been weighing heavily on my mind. My friends tell me that the Flying Spaghetti Monster is actually you in disguise. While it is true that you both have tentacles, I think it unlikely that you would choose to manifest as a carbohydrate. Also, noodles are not exactly madness-inducing.

Also, would it be appropriate for me to embroider your likeness, or is that treading too close to "cute and squishy" territory?

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